Tuesdays with Jesse: Mysteries of the Universe

My wife explained that the majority of her readership is of the female persuasion. Thus in determining what topic to discuss this week, I wanted to focus on your point of view. Speaking to my wife, it's clear that women really don’t know what guys are thinking. Contrary to popular belief, we don’t just think about you-know-what. Don’t get me wrong we are thinking about that, but we are also contemplating the mysteries of the universe.

“What mysteries,” you ask (by ‘you’ I am referring to the collective you).

Well, let me tell you (once again, the collective you).

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE:

1.     Who would win in a fight between Bigfoot and the Chupacabra? (trick question the Chupacabra is not real.)

Wally Gobetz

2.     If you threw a grenade on the moon would it blow-down instead of blow-up?

3.     Where can I get a monkey butler?

Marc Tyler

4.     What does Shamu taste like? (I would assume fish, but he is a mammal.)

5.     How the heck are there three “High School Musical” movies and only one “School of Rock”?

Brian J. Matis

6.     Who would win in a fight between a T-Rex and a Triceratops? (I know what you’re thinking. That’s easy, clearly the T-Rex would win. But what if the T-Rex misses on his first try and the Triceratops can get in close enough to stab the T-Rex in the belly with its horns. See, not such an easy question. That’s why they call it a mystery of the universe.)

El Miali

7.     What the crap is “mod podge?” (I don’t know but it sounds illegal and kind of dirty.)

8.     Why do they even make black licorice? (That stuff is gross.)

Vagabond Shutterbug

9.     What’s the point of having my cake if I can’t eat it too?

10. Does anyone actually like reading Shakespeare or do they just pretend to so people will think they are sophisticated? 

Next week we will be reviewing guy’s secret money making schemes. Hint: Bank heist is number one (ask any guy you know, he already has it planned out).