The Watcher

Okay...so today in creative writing our teacher brought in a bunch of old pictures of his friends. We each got a picture and had to pick a person from the photo and write about their thoughts/feelings/actions at the moment the pic was taken. Needless to say, I got a picture of college students partying with lots of alcohol. Aha. Not really my style. Then we got about five minutes to just write and see where the picture took us. I chose a boy in the dark, blurry background of the picture. Mostly because he wasn't the focus of the photo. He wasn't even looking at the camera. He was staring at the girl in the center of the picture with a slight, longing smile on his face. Here's what I wrote:

I've never wanted something the way I want this. As I sit here, surrounded by friends, the only thought that possesses my mind is my desire. Now this may seem ridiculous - I mean I've consumed more alcohol than I've ever had in one sitting before and I'm at the biggest party of the year. But nevertheless my mind stays stagnant on one single thought: Tara.
For years I've been her friend, or rather an acquaintance.We've been in the same class since the sixth grade. Now we are in college, and yes, I followed her halfway across the country to attend Berkeley with her. All my studying and nerdiness over the years did pay off. And now here I am, actually at a party with this woman who in my eyes is a goddess. Now I can't quite tell you why it is that I want her so bad. It's not that I love her or anything. No. There is something different that draws me to her and for years I've been trying to figure out what. Perhaps I'll never know unless I get the chance to hold her and be with her. But that's not really a possibility. I doubt she even knows that I am here. She's only focused on Benji, the cocky idiot in our algebra class. Her eyes rarely leave his and they spend most of the night making out. So for now I sit and think about what it would be like to be him.

Not the greatest piece. But it's what came out during my five minute limit with an unfortunate choice of picture. :)

A Realization that Brings a Smile

For my creative writing class, we were given an assignment to take our journals to a crowded area and observe a few different people. Their appearance, their speech, their mannerisms, speculation on possible thoughts, the like. During my break on Friday afternoon I decided to start my observations in the institute building. Sitting at a table off to the side, I watched various groups of students as they studied. Some were on laptops, some reading, some on their cells, some eating lunch...but ALL were commenting on the various sources of stress in their lives (i.e. homework, crazy teachers, work, loaded schedules, being away from home, friend trouble, etc.) But what was interesting was the way they talked about their stresses: they all had a smile on their face and seemed relaxed and at peace. Despite the fact that they were talking about their problematic lives, they all sat there laughing, talking, listening to music, and making new friends.

After about a half hour I decided to migrate to a random spot on campus and observe other students. As I situated myself on a bench off to the side I began scoping out my next victims. With pen in hand I sat and observed. These students all had the same exact worries: work, school, homework, family/friend trouble. But this time something was different. These students didn't seem happy or at ease. To my left I watched as one girl screamed and cried into her cell phone while talking to her mother. On my right a girl swayed back and forth in agony hunched over a math assignment and incessantly biting her nails. She looked so stressed I felt bad for her. Kids walked by and I would catch random tidbits of conversation as they shared their problems. And not one of them smiled. Not once.

What a testimony strengthening experience this was for me. Having the Spirit in my life is such a blessing...more than I realize. Without it, I KNOW that I could not get through my busy, stressful, college days. It helps me so much. I was so grateful for this experience.

Now the rest of this assignment was to pick one of the people we observed and create a character out of them: appearance, life, relationships, situations, fears, desires, inner struggles, and so on. Here is what I came up with (it's not my favorite...but oh well):

At nineteen, Maddie Stoltz is experiencing the thrills of her first year at a university. So far the experiences she is having proves to enjoyable, for the most part. But something – and she isn’t quite sure what that something is or how much of an affect it is having on her well-being – something is keeping her from being fully and completely happy.

Maddie attends class Monday through Friday and spends her afternoons working at a bookstore located just off of campus. She doesn’t mind working. It keeps her busy and it is nice to be able to have some extra cash to spend during the weekends. But being away from her family is proving to be a real challenge. Though at times she is ashamed to admit it, her parents are easily her best friends. She can tell them anything and everything and truly respects their advice. And yes, despite the annoying pranks her eleven year old brother Dax plays on her, she misses their Saturday morning television watching sessions – talking, laughing, and imagining together what it would be like to live the lives of the characters in their favorite shows.

But above all she misses her sister Jaymee. Even though Jaymee is now married and has a baby girl, she lives near her parents. Everyday during the summer Maddie visited Jaymee and helped with the baby. They talked about everything from boys to friends, church to trashy Hollywood gossip. At the time, visiting Jaymee seemed a tedious task; she only did it because her mom asked her to go help with the baby. But this is what she misses most of all. Maddie is quickly realizing that sometimes you don’t realize the good things you have in life until they are suddenly unavailable.

Despite the fact that she misses home, Maddie is enjoying college. She is very excited about getting a degree in elementary education: she loves working with children ages 6-10. This is her passion. And her classes are very intriguing, exciting, and overall easy to get a decent grade in. Maddie never struggled in school. It has always been an easy task for her to get straight A’s and for this she is truly grateful.

She lives in an apartment just north of campus and really enjoys the area. The apartment complex is occupied by mostly students and it is easy to make friends in the area. She doesn’t have a boyfriend, but there are a few interesting prospects in her life. Now, it’s just a matter of getting their attention.

Maddie is the kind of person other girls find themselves jealous of, the kind of girl you want to hate but can’t bring yourself to do so because she’s so perfect. Not only is she drop dead gorgeous, she has an amazing personality to accompany her looks. Plus, she is an unintentional flirt. Honestly, she isn’t flirting with every guy she meets on purpose; she is just an extremely friendly person. And this makes it hard for her to keep close girl friends. They all just get frustrated that she keeps flirting and every guy keeps falling for her. Sometimes she wishes she could find a girl best friend to spend her time with but instead all she has is a bunch of guys surrounding her all the time. Despite what others might think, this isn’t what she wants. But life goes on. She is blessed with many great things and is honestly happy. Or is she? Sometimes she’s not so sure. She knows she should be happy; she doesn’t have much to complain about. But sometimes it’s hard not to. However, it is very unusual to catch Maddie without a smile on her face. Living life to the fullest seems to be her motto because that is what she does. It appears to all those around her that she has all the confidence in the world, but deep down, she feels inadequate in many aspects of her life. But she continues to smile through life and pretend like nothing is bothering her. Slowly, this is wearing her down.

Maddie is very organized; she keeps a daily planner with all her appointments, classes, homework, due dates, work times, other’s birthdays, etc. written inside. She has short blonde hair that is perfectly styled on a daily basis. She doesn’t wear much make-up, and doesn’t need to because she is naturally pretty. And she has the body of a model – skinny, toned, golden brown skin. She honestly and truly cares about other people and is interested in what is happening in their lives. Basically, she’s the kind of girl others strive to someday become.

Britney's Life: An Update

Well, today marked the end of a much-too-long holiday break. Yes...today was my first day of my second semester as an Arizona State University college student. I only had 3 classes today and all-in-all in went very well. My professors seem nice although I can easily say this semester will be much more difficult than last semester. It's going to be a lot of work. But I think that I am going to enjoy my classes...so this is good. And I'm almost positive I will enjoy my schedule much better now, too. Yes, I go Monday through Friday. But I still have less school than I ever did in high school. So it'll be good. Better than my 12 hour days twice a week last semester. Those were killer. Not that anyone really cares...but if you are curious...my schedule is as follows:
Monday/Wednesday
8:35-9:25: Survey of English Literature
9:40-10:30: World Religions
10:45-11:35: Sign Language 102
11:50-12:40: Critical Reading and Writing About Literature
12:55-1:45: Book of Mormon II (with the most amazing teacher...ah!)
Tuesday/Thursday
9:25-10:15: The Gospel and the Productive Life (I LOVE institute so much!)
10:45-11:35: Sign Language 102
12:00-1:15: Intro to Creative Writing
Friday
8:35-9:25: Survey of English lit.
9:40-10:30: World Religions
11:50-12:40: Critical Reading and Writing About Literature

So...it's not too terrible. We'll see how it goes.

What has been going on in my life the past couple of weeks? Well...i've spent some time with my girls, with Jesse, and with the family. Jess studies for the BAR from early in the morning until about ten at night Monday through Friday and until like 8 at night on Saturday so I only get to see him late at night. It's hard but hopefully it'll pay off and he will pass the test the first time at the end of February. :] I know he can do it! Natalie and I have been working on our vision boards...hopefully I will have pictures up next week---i'm hoping to finish it by the end of this week. Not so sure if that will happen or not, but we shall try! We had a girls day last Friday at Chelsi's house and made waffles with buttermilk syrup and watched License to Wed and What Happens in Vegas. It was way fun to get to spend quality time with my girls. I love you all so much! :) Also, I've been wedding dress shopping a couple of times with two of my best friends: Cami and Andi. Andilyn gets married April 11 in the Idaho Falls Temple to an amazing guy named Aaron. Then she will have a reception here on the 14th. Cami and Cliff are getting married here on April 25. I'm so happy for you girls!!!! Congrats congrats! Umm....I think that pretty much sums up my boring life as of now. I'm really going to try to get better at writing on here...and being interesting!

Power of Prayer

Can I just comment on how amazing the power of prayer is??! Seriously, I feel so blessed to have the gospel as a part of my life and to have the knowledge that every prayer is heard by a loving Father in Heaven who knows me personally and wants the best for me.

Earlier today my mom looked at me and exclaimed, "I feel the power of prayer working in our lives so much right now. Don't you?"

Well, Mom, not only do I feel it working in our lives as a family, but I feel it in my own personal life as well.

Mosiah 27:14
And again, the angel said: Behold, the Lord hath heard the prayers of his people, and also the prayers of his servant, Alma, who is thy father; for he has prayed with much faith concerning thee that thou mightest be brought to the knowledge of the truth; therefore, for this purpose have I come to convince thee of the power and authority of God, that the prayers of his servants might be answered according to their faith.

If we pray in sincere faith, the Lord will answer our prayers. It may take time, and the answer may come in bits and pieces...but eventually we will have our answer. We just need to have patience and not lose that faith in our Heavenly Father.

"We are commanded to “pray always” (2 Nephi 32:9; D&C 10:5; 90:24)—“vocally as well as in [our] heart[s]; … before the world as well as in secret, in public as well as in private” (D&C 19:28). I testify that prayer becomes more meaningful as we counsel with the Lord in all of our doings, as we express heartfelt gratitude, and as we pray for others with real intent and a sincere heart.

I witness Heavenly Father lives and that He hears and answers every earnest prayer. Jesus is the Christ, our Savior and Mediator. Revelation is real."

~David A. Bednar, Pray Always

Random thought of the day. :]