Story Time

**Note: This story is not for those with weak stomachs. Or who ate Kroger salad today.

So this morning I decided to be a good "wifey" and got up early to make my husband a yummy lunch to take to work. Yesterday I marinated some yummy chicken and cooked it up so that today I could put a piece of chicken, Parmesan cheese, croutons, bacon, lettuce and dressing (in a separate container, of course) into his cooler so he could have a yummy salad for lunch. So I got in the cupboard and pulled out a thing of tupperware. Then I went to the fridge to get out the package of lettuce. I opened it up and began to pour it into the tupperware (don't worry. I was going to rinse the lettuce. I was just measuring it out first.) After about 6 pieces of lettuce came out of the package, I noticed something suspicious looking. It was either a small, shriveled up piece of dark lettuce or the unnamable. I got a spoon and fished it out, putting it right up to my eye for close examination.

You got it. It was definitely the unnamable.

Rodent poop. I'm not even kidding. How nasty is that? Needless to say, I was a bit queasy in the stomach.

In conclusion, I submit that there are two things that could have happened.

1. A rodent is running around my house and pooping in my tupperware
2. A rodent was running around the Kroger factory pooping on the lettuce

Personally, I'm gonna go with option two. Mostly because I don't want to think that there is a mouse or rat living in my house. Ewww. Plus, I think I would have noticed by now. Or Nash would have. Or something. Right? (**Note: This is the part where you console me and tell me I'm right.)

So here's the moral of the story: Don't buy Kroger packaged lettuce. Go with Ready-Pac or Dole. They are both safer bets.

Ohhhhhhh and this is the FIRST time I've ever bought Kroger. I usually DO get Ready-Pac or Dole. But Kroger was cheaper. Bad idea.

Dear Kroger,

I know that your lettuce is cheaper than Ready-Pac and Dole. And now I know the reason for that. I just wanted to inform you that I'll pay the extra twenty cents to keep rodent poop OUT of my lettuce. kthanksbye.

~ Me

P.S. -- I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit. You're the scum between my toes.

(Name that movie.)

I'm totally grossed out. Seriously.